Yup, I’m feeling as if I should have raised the daddy thing in the article. I know that’s a sort of preference or even fetish (or is philia the better word?) among some gay men. But even though Lenny was 20 years older than me, I didn’t relate to him on the level of “daddy.” He was a man I was attracted to and fell in love with.

Reducing him to a daddy figure feels disrespectful, because of course I knew him as a whole person.

Nor did Jason relate to me that way. He was fiercely independent and not looking for a father figure.

I have nothing against the daddy/son tropes you see stylized in some gay relationships. If that makes people happy, I’m all for their happiness. But sometimes I think the unconventional gets in the way of understanding the fabulous complexity and breadth of relationship possibilities.