Yup, I’m feeling as if I should have raised the daddy thing in the article. I know that’s a sort of preference or even fetish (or is philia the better word?) among some gay men. But even though Lenny was 20 years older than me, I didn’t relate to him on the level of “daddy.” He was a man I was attracted to and fell in love with.

Reducing him to a daddy figure feels disrespectful, because of course I knew him as a whole person.

Nor did Jason relate to me that way. He was fiercely independent and not looking for a father figure.

I have nothing against the daddy/son tropes you see stylized in some gay relationships. If that makes people happy, I’m all for their happiness. But sometimes I think the unconventional gets in the way of understanding the fabulous complexity and breadth of relationship possibilities.

Written by

Writer. Runner. Marine. Airman. Former LGBTQ and HIV activist. Former ActUpNY and Queer Nation. Polyglot. Middle-aged, uppity faggot. jamesfinnwrites@gmail.com

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