You're right about flamboyant gay men getting attention, especially in entertainment and other media. But the gay male dating scene is (sadly) famous for femme shaming. In fact, Grindr had to ban the phrase "no fats, no femmes" from user profiles. We love to be entertained by effeminate gay men like Joe Lycett (whom I adore), but we don't necessarily want to sleep with them or date them. Also, making fun of twinks (a variant of femme shaming) is a very popular sport in many parts of gay culture.

That's not to say any or all of this is monolithic or pervasive, but it's a real problem, and we talk about it a lot.