You're asking some difficult questions, or at least some very layered ones. Making jokes out of sexual submissiveness is homophobic, sexist, and pretty darn normal.

The jokes wouldn't be funny if they didn't make some of us gay men feel intensely uncomfortable. We wouldn't feel intensely uncomfortable if we hadn't internalized some homophobia.

Homophobia wouldn't fill the air we breathe if comparing men unfavorably to women, as the weaker sex or whatever that's all about, weren't ordinary.

We can live in our accepting bubbles and sort of pretend that it isn't happening, surrounding ourselves with people who don't think like that. And like you, we can strive to produce art that comes from a very different, healthier place.

But we're always part of the culture we live in, aren't we? We can't help it.

So thanks for raising these questions so thoughtfully! Maybe one day we won't have to anymore.