You know, sometimes I see my straight friends (dare I say often my straight women friends?) exhausting themselves over worrying about their partners' sexual exclusivity.

Now as a gay man, I certainly know that lots of queer people are sexually exclusive too, and that’s lovely if it’s what they want.

But I came of age in a queer New York City during a time when the expectation of sexual exclusivity among partnered gay men wasn’t very strong.

My late partner and I sometimes had sex with other guys, and it didn’t cost us tons of stress. We laid the ground rules out from the beginning, and maybe we felt we had the freedom to do that because we weren’t bound by heteronormative structures. All I know is it worked out really well for us and for some of our friends.

I wonder sometimes if my straight friends feel bound by restrictions that cause them more harm than good. Sometimes I’ve wanted to say that there are things my straight friends could learn from queer culture.

So I’m glad you wrote this article!