You know, one thing I’ve found is that people in real life are so much more interesting and attractive than they are in photos. I’ve also found that my own attraction levels often don’t match up with my fantasy ideals.

I mean, I have a “type.” If I were to fantasize about the perfect man, he would look like that “type.”

But the way things tend to work in practice is very different. I sometimes find myself intensely attracted to men whose photos would not have interested me much. Who I probably never would have fantasized about.

Real people are so different from images on screens, and attraction is far more complex than “types.”

Sometimes, we just need to give ourselves permission to be bold, to challenge our assumptions, to take chances.

This is actually one of the reasons that I decided a long time ago not to have sex on the first date. I’m not a prude, and I have nothing against casual sex at all. God knows I’ve had enough of it!

The real reason is that I don’t want to give myself the idea that sex is supposed to happen if I meet someone. If I let myself think that way, I would be much less likely to take a chance on a guy I might not initially find perfectly attractive.

But how many times have I gotten together with somebody who was not a 10 on my personal scale, but who ended up being intensely attractive to me?


You have to be bold.