You know, I once dated a guy whose mom was from Iran. He was lovely, and so was she. So beautiful and stylish, both of them. Thinking about youth feeling alienated because of their ethnic origins ... It's just really sad.

As to your reaction?

I remember those early Internet chatroom days well. International phone calls cost an arm and a leg, but suddenly everyone in the world with a computer could text with each other, for no more than the cost of internet access.

It was so exciting! And liberating, in many ways. The risk of catfishing was always part of the experience, of course, but it never felt like a major problem to me.

I met my second partner in a gay men's friend-group chat room. He lived impossibly far from me in Australia, but we became pretty tight anyway. It wasn't an online romance, but it turned out we were both pretty curious about the other.

When he came to the States for a long-planned holiday after university, we met up with a big group of friends to attend a circuit party. And we fell in love.

Things like that really do happen. Lightning can strike. But the risk of catfishing is always there too.

I think your reaction as an 18-year-old was perfectly natural and not all that inappropriate. You were trying to understand yourself and the world you lived in. You were trying to grow.

You didn't try to take advantage of anybody, so a little empathy really is in order here, I think.

Oh, and as to my Iranian-American friend? He attended that circuit party too, and he fell in love with another good friend of mine. They're still together.