Yikes! How did I forget to leave a comment? Your beautiful storytelling made me cry. The transience of affection, even of love, is an important and moving topic. Stir in possible internalized homophobia, and we all have a lot to think about. You were very brave, really, to let yourself feel despite the warning signs. Without vulnerability, are powerful love and joy as possible for us? I don't think so. I think opening up to the possibility of pain enriches us immeasurably.