Wow, I could almost have written most of that myself. I grew up in the same world, and had family associated with Hyles Anderson. I suffered night terrors when I was 10, before I even knew I was gay, terrified of God, doubting I was saved.

I came very close to killing myself when I was 18, even though I had already intellectually rejected Christianity and abandoned faith. I'm a lot older than you, though, and Trevor Project did not exist in those days. I had to try to muddle through on my own somehow.

I did come out the other side, and I've experienced a lot of joy in life. I count myself very very lucky for that. I still experience trauma, but what can you do?

All my love to you.