Wow, Dave was a real jerk. I find the dynamic interesting and I’m glad you wrote about it, because as a gay man this isn’t something I know much about.

What I find so crazy after a lifetime of having sex with lots of men is that I’ve never encountered this phenomenon before.

In my experience, male-male couples have all kinds of different sex, and masturbation is usually on the menu.

If a partner had ever given me any shit about masturbation during sex, I would have looked at him like he was out of his mind.

And I think he probably would have expected me to.

So I find it really telling that men having sex with women behave so differently. It absolutely seems to reflect a disturbing attitude. An attitude that says women’s sexual pleasure really doesn’t matter very much.

Writer. Runner. Marine. Airman. Former LGBTQ and HIV activist. Former ActUpNY and Queer Nation. Polyglot. Middle-aged, uppity faggot.