When I was in my late 20s, I was partnered with a man in his late 40s. Over the ten years we were together before he died, he aged unusually quickly, because of a congenital heart problem. I went into the relationship eyes open to that. Our physical reality in his last two or three years became a reality of physical intimacy that was not orgasmic or otherwise "sexual." He was simply not physically capable of that.

But of course his body responded positively and often joyfully to intimate touch like massage, gentle scratching, or light tickling.

That intimacy continued to bind us together even in the absence of "having sex."

Now that I'm older than he was when he died, I think about how that worked with us.

My own health has taken quite a debilitating turn in the last few years. In 2016, in my late 50s, I was still physically vigorous. I was training for a triathlon and I met a younger guy and had quite a sexual fling. Later that year, I dated a man my age, and we had lovely, intimate, comfortable sex. Two quite different experiences, but both of them wonderful in their own ways.

The difference in my own body between then and now is remarkable. I'm pretty sure neither of those experiences, could repeat today.

But I think back to when my late partner and I first met, and to how I volunteered with him at SAGE, an LGBT senior group. We helped at monthly tea dances, setting up and breaking down. During the dances, we mostly danced and socialized.

I was surprised to notice how tight knit the group of mostly gay elderly men was. I was amused to note how much it felt much like a group of high school kids ... In how quickly romantic relationships formed and reformed.

There was lots of love, there was couples drama, and just ... well, lots of sex was obviously going on.

At the time, as a gay man in a youth-oriented culture, despite the fact that I was married to an older man, I found that a little confusing. How could "Bernie" and "Malcolm," both in their 70s and not unusually fit for their ages, find one another attractive? I was glad they did! But I worried that I wouldn't be like them when I reached their age.

I still worry about that. I would never find myself attractive. My body has deteriorated significantly (maybe radically) from those days in 2016 when I was training for a triathlon. Now, just taking a walk around the block is beyond me. Going to the supermarket is an exhausting, dreaded ordeal.

I got home yesterday from a supply run and collapsed for the rest of the day.

My body LOOKS like what I just described, meaning unhealthy and unfit. So, I doubt intimacy and romance are any longer possible.

But ...

I remember my late partner Lenny, and I remember all those couples at the SAGE tea dances, and I doubt my doubts.

Thanks for sharing other positive examples in this story!