When I quit smoking (And I mean the final time, not the previous 7 times), my need for a cigarette was so intense — even after the physical addition withdrawal ended.

I spent months grumpy, aching for nicotine, and really sad. I was scared to death that I would feel like that for the rest of my life, and I knew that if I did, I would simply have to take up smoking again.

But I held on, and very slowly and gradually, so much so that I couldn’t feel it happening, a new normal set in.

At first, the new feeling might last only for a few minutes. Then maybe half an hour. Then an hour. Those periods would pass by when I was free of wanting to smoke and I felt OK. Good even.

Eventually, those good periods of the day outnumbered the bad.

Then I started going a whole day! Two days! More!

Sometimes I still want to smoke, but it’s been many years, and I almost (almost!) never think about it anymore.

Maybe that process is something like what you have to go through. I don’t know. But that’s my story if it helps any.


Written by

Writer. Runner. Marine. Airman. Former LGBTQ and HIV activist. Former ActUpNY and Queer Nation. Polyglot. Middle-aged, uppity faggot. jamesfinnwrites@gmail.com

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