To be fair, I often find myself strongly attracted to trans men. I’m turned on by masculinity, and I many trans man are hot in a way that I appreciate, as I mentioned before.

But, and how can I put this delicately? It’s not so much the presence of a vagina I object to, so much as the lack of a penis. For me, personally, after a lifetime of sexual experiences, sex without a penis is just not fulfilling.

That’s just me, though! It’s how I tick as a sexual human being. Plenty of gay men differ from me.

I would never, ever want to invalidate somebody or cause them pain, though. The thought of that is just terrible to me.

But here’s the thing. I could easily date a trans guy. I’m sure I could even fall for a trans guy. Hell, I have! At least I’ve had a strong crush on a trans guy. He happened to be out of my league, so we never dated. He went out with guys hotter than me.

But …

What happens if I end up dating a trans guy, knowing that without his having a penis, he would ultimately not be sexually compatible with me? What if we grew attached and the relationship ultimately failed because I wasn’t fulfilled in the bedroom? Wouldn’t that be invalidating or worse?

Wouldn’t our hypothetical trans man be better off dating somebody who ticks differently sexually than I do?

Of course, understand that all of this is hypothetical. I’m on the cusp of being elderly, and the possibility of ANYONE, trans or cis, wanting to date me is not all that high.

But again, the possibility of hurting somebody is abhorrent to me, so I value your thoughts and input.


Writer. Runner. Marine. Airman. Former LGBTQ and HIV activist. Former ActUpNY and Queer Nation. Polyglot. Middle-aged, uppity faggot.

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