These conversations can be so important, so impactful, and so empowered by personal connection.

It's easy to just have an unproductive argument with somebody you don't know. Hearts are not connected, so minds don't seek to meet.

But when the two people talking are family, or if they're very close, then real work can get done.

I often tell the story of coming out to my very close friend Mark when we were both junior Air Force officers. We already had a real "brother" relationship. We trusted each other and loved each other, not that we used the L word when we were that young, though we did later in life.

Mark had a ton of questions, and I was happy to answer them. He had a lot of false assumptions about what it meant to be gay, and I helped him understand.

Two decades later, I was a civilian and Mark was a senior commander with military authority over thousands of young airmen — during the height of the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" witch hunts.

Unlike many commanders, Mark did not leverage DADT loopholes to destroy the careers of queer service members. He used the policy the way the framers intended it — to leave queer people in the military alone.

He says his youthful conversations with me, his "little brother," shaped his views and changed how he acted later in life.

Ripple effect. Heart connection. Patience. You never know what's going to happen, but positive results have to come at least sometimes under those conditions.

Thanks for explaining it so well!