The sex in "homosexuality" is why homosexuality is about sex. It puzzles me that you fail to comprehend such a simple matter. If you yourself are not sexually oriented to anyone, then you could identify as asexualz.and there's nothing wrong with that at all.

We gay people are sexually oriented toward people of the same sex. That's the definition, that's what it's about.

We've been discriminated against and persecuted forever because of that, not because we're not sexually oriented.

People pass laws against us, and ostracize us, and stigmatize us, and do everything they can to hurt us because we have sex with people of the same sex. Or at least, we are disposed to by our natures.

So we invented definitions for ourselves that have the word sex in them, so we can meaningfully relate to the world.

If you are not sexually oriented toward people of the same sex, you are not gay.

But I think the really basic thing here is that you're trying to legitimize homophobia and/or homophobes by accepting (at least tacitly) their own sex negativity.

You don't have to do that. There's nothing wrong with sex. Of course, if you're asexual, there's nothing wrong with you either.