Thanks for writing this! Sometimes, in passing, I see somebody really ripping into "Call Me by Your Name" because of the age gap, and I just sigh.

You already know that my first partner was a few months more than 20 years older than me. Because of that, I write about age gaps sometimes, asking people to carefully examine their innate biases, to withhold judgement on two people in love.

Additionally, when I was coming of age and discovering my sexuality in Iowa, I used to frequent a speakeasy of a gay bar with no sign but a neon pink question mark over a back-alley entrance.

The Question Mark Bar and Grill (as we called it) was my queer Shangri-La, a quiet haven from omnipresent homophobia that could elevate for almost anyone to ridicule and bullying. I made real friends there, the closest no more than about 4 years older than me, but for the first time in my life, I met many adults of many ages who were happy and fulfilled in their queerness. And sometimes I met a man and had sex.

I started going to the Question Mark when I was 17. The "grill" portion of that faded dive was a real restaurant with a full menu, so no ID was required to get in, which was helpful to me for the few months before I turned 18. (The legal drinking age at the time was 18, not 21.)

Anyway, when I was 17 at the Question Mark, I met guys who were 24. Sometimes I developed feelings for them, and sometimes they reciprocated those feelings.

I wonder, if I were to write a fictional story about those days, would people complain about the age gap? Would the age gap be the only thing (or the most important) thing they could see in a positive tale of coming out, finding community, and exploring love?

The character age gap in "Call Me by Your Name" is 7 years, a gap that seemed small and practical to me during my early Question Mark days when I was 17— which by the way meant legally that nobody would be breaking the law if they had sex with me.

I would hope if I wrote a story about those years, I'd be able to do it justice and to be honest in my storytelling, that people would be able appreciate the whole story rather than focusing with negativity on the age gap.