Thanks for writing so clearly about this! Gender performance is indeed quite a different thing from gender identity, and queer people of all stripes should be celebrated for embracing who they are and how they wish to present themselves.

We gay men often struggle with this in our cultures, where feminine presentation is common, but not always considered admirable. Internalized homophobia often leads to femme shaming.

I used to do it to myself! (I'm not exactly flamboyant, but I'm not the most masculine-presenting person in the world either, especially with other gay people, when I tend to camp it up.)

I love that lesbians seem to pressure each other less about presentation than gay men do.

It's important that we all learn to stand together to resist pressure to conform. We all deserve the joy of authentic being and behaving.