Sometimes you just have to find the right space. I don't hang out in gay bars either. None exist in the rural Michigan region I live in. Before, when Iived I in Detroit, I sometimes visited gay bars, but I'm not a drinker (3 drinks is enough to DESTROY me) so I never became a regular.

But of the two bars I knew fairly well, one very much matched the negative vibe you're writing about.

On the west side, however, a neighborhood gay bar a boyfriend took me to was quite different. It wasn't filled with preternaturally beautiful Instagram wannabe stars. The crowd wasn't particularly young and wasn't overwhelmingly white. Instead, the place was (about 6 years ago, anyway) a neighborhood hangout. Gay couples stopped in after work to play quiz games or sing karaoke. Singles showed up too, though the place didn't have a pickup vibe. Lesbians were a solid, though not a 50%, presence.

They did a drag contest one night a week.

Most striking about the place is that everyone just looked normal. Like folks you'd run into in daily life.

The place wasn't crowded the few times I went with my boyfriend, not even on a Saturday night, and I noticed online reviews that called it "boring."

But boring seemed to be what the regulars liked about it.

I don't know how hard it is to find a gay bar like that. I've known a few throughout my life in different cities, and they're rarely popular or much talked (or written) about.

Worth seeking out, though!