Somebody like John is puzzling. When I was middle-school aged (I actually went to junior high, which for non-US readers means a slightly different age breakdown) I was quite shy changing and showering. I don't recall hating it so much as slightly worrying about it, but I would get it over with as quickly and efficiently as I could — like most of the boys in my gym classes.

I always wondered about the (very) few boys who strutted around like they were showing off. Were they gay and bold, advertising? Were they getting some kind of thrill they didn't connect consciously to homosexuality? Or did they just lack some socialization that made nudity more shameful for most of us?

By the end of high school, everyone in the locker room seemed socialized to a degree of homogeneity. No more strutters and showers, as least as far as I experienced. I guess that was considered either childish or gay — neither being desirable traits in the 16 and over set.

They say homophobia often manifests most strongly in men who are repressing their own homosexual desires.

Could that be true of John? Were his conflicting locker room behaviors (to show off but then to criticize others for noticing) a sign of internal conflict, internalized homophobia?

Clearly, based on his comment in class years later, he was still thinking about locker-room nudity issues. So, the subject must have been significant for him.

That makes me think his homophobia was much more about him than it is ever was about you.

Of course, maybe he was just a garden-variety bully, taking out his own fears and trauma on people he considered Other.