So, sexual attraction is complicated and layered. I think many of us don't think about that much. Even among "vanilla" cis gay men, anatomical sexual preferences run a gamut.

If I could be blunt and vulnerable, my attraction begins with a "total package," a handsome face, a nice V shape, and a pleasant personality.

In bed, though, what gets my engine revving is, and I don't know how else to put this, a hard dick. If I can't wrap my hand and mouth around an erect penis, I don't even really feel like I'm having sex.

I'm neither a top nor a bottom. I'm not vers either — meaning anal sex is not all that important to me one way or the other. I'm perfectly happy to penetrate my partner if that's what he's into, but unless my hand is wrapped around his dick at the same time, I'm not going to be all that satisfied.

Likewise, I can enjoy bottoming, but to me, that act is "foreplay" rather than the main event.

The main event is me manipulating and sucking my partner off. In the unconscious depths of my reptile brain, THAT is sex. That is what I crave.

Many cis gay men are different from me in that respect, but many are similar.

I do not run around broadcasting my preferences. They're private, and in any case they can often mesh well enough with potential partners who have somewhat different preferences.

So, to your Facebook example, the guy who made the gratuitous comment about losing interest if a hypothetical trans guy were to pull his pants down. Ugh, that's just rude. I mean, I don't know the context of it, but why be so provocative?

Also, why not keep an open mind? I follow a few trans guys on YouTube, to keep up with current trans thought. But I'll tell you what: I follow some of them closer than others, because they're hot af. 🤣

If they weren't totally out of my league, I would be interested in at least a date. This one guy I'm thinking about has made clear that he hasn't had the sort of bottom surgery that gives him a full sized, anatomically typical male penis. He's had significant bottom growth however, and he's had the minor surgical procedure that frees his clitoris and lets it look and behave more like a penis.

Could I enjoy sex with him?

I don't know. That's the long and short of it. Maybe. I'm not a size queen, never have been, so maybe I could.

Or not.

In an imaginary world where someone as hot as him would date me, we'd have to go to bed to find out if we have that spark, if we're sexually compatible enough to have a sexually fulfilling relationship.

But you know what? I could say the same for any relationship. Just because a guy is hot does not mean I'm going to end up being sexually compatible with him. That's true for all of us! Our reptile brains are unique to each of us, our sexual wants and "needs" differ.

In most circumstances, we've learned not to be rude about that. That guy in the Facebook group was being rude. And that rudeness might elevate to transphobia.

But the sexual preference itself? It is what it is.

It's not always easy to understand that what we prefer is not what other people prefer. I know plenty of gay guys who don't understand why I'm not really into butts.

But they don't get emotionally worked up about it.

And I guess that's where we should be with all sorts of sexual preferences — open minded and not emotionally worked up.