So, my last partner considered himself a bottom. For him, being penetrated was often the most pleasurable form of sex.

But he wasn’t always into it. It takes time to loosen up, to get lubricated, to make the effort.

Many was the time when we had a long day, were tired, and he just didn’t feel like making all that effort.

Which was fine! Maybe we’d do other things sexually. Maybe we’d just go to sleep.

The one thing that never occurred to me was bullying or wheedling him into doing something sexual that he didn’t want to do.

Sex is mutual. It’s something between two people. It’s not something one person does to another.

At least that’s my take, and I think it’s a really important concept for some men to wrap their minds around.

If you’re doing something your partner isn’t into, it’s not sex, it’s abusive masturbation.

Writer. Runner. Marine. Airman. Former LGBTQ and HIV activist. Former ActUpNY and Queer Nation. Polyglot. Middle-aged, uppity faggot.

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