So many feels here for me! As a young man just out of university, the story of Hadrian and Antinous thrilled me -- not just the impossible romance of it, but the idea that queer love has been and can be considered some sort of ideal. Of course, that was as different era. I was closeted because in my world, the opposite was true.

Still, I visited Egypt and gazed over the Nile, often wondering if Antinous, with whom I identified, would have experienced the view as I did. I tried not to think about his last moments.

Years later, I feel madly in love with my own Hadrian.