So, I’m thinking hard about this, Zayn, and I ask myself what I would do if I met and fell for a trans man.

I’ve seen plenty of trans men I would consider to be very sexually attractive. Some of them have been totally hot, frankly.

But I find myself asking how a sexual relationship with a trans man could work for me if he didn’t have a penis.

Without getting into a lot of unnecessary detail, the lack of male genetalia and the presence of female genetalia would be super problematic for me, and not in any way over which I have voluntary control.

So while I might well have the capacity to fall for a trans man (and I can totally see that happening), the sexual relationship part of the mix would be doomed to being ultimately unfulfilling.

The relationship wouldn’t be successful unless I were willing to mostly forego sex. That’s a tough proposition.

Of course, not all gay men have the same sexual wiring that I have, so I’m not suggesting there aren’t gay men who wouldn’t be perfectly happy dating trans men.

I’ve been called transphobic before for this, though. One trans person even called me transphobic for suggesting that vaginas are female organs, telling me that a trans man’s vagina is a male vagina, and that I needed to be more open-minded about sex.

I’ve been around the block more than once or twice, though, sexually speaking. I am open minded. I’ve had enough sex with both men and women to know how certain body parts affect me.

I know that sex with people who have vaginas doesn’t work for me. I might wish it would work, but I can’t change my neurology and my involuntary responses to certain stimuli.

Written by

Writer. Runner. Marine. Airman. Former LGBTQ and HIV activist. Former ActUpNY and Queer Nation. Polyglot. Middle-aged, uppity faggot. jamesfinnwrites@gmail.com

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