So, if I were to talk about physical characteristics that really rev my engine, I find myself strongly attracted to circumcised penises, blond hair, and trim builds.

The first time I had sex with an uncircumcised guy, I found the whole thing a bit shocking. Given how universal circumcision was in the United States when I was a boy, I never saw an uncut guy until I went to live in Berlin.

That did not stop me from having sex, but it took me a while to get used to going down on an uncut guy.

Something about the slick, internal-organ-like appearance of a corona always protected by a foreskin repulsed me a little.

But more than that, the appearance just didn’t attract me in the same way as an erect, cut penis. Something in my brain did not respond in the same powerful way.

I think sexuality experts would say that in the very earliest stages of my sexual development, I had formed “impressions" that would become powerful influences on how and how much I responded sexually to certain stimuli.

(by the way, for those who want to get into the circumcision debate, this is not that. I actually wish I were not circumcised, because I believe my penis is less sensitive than those of my uncut age peers. I would not have my sons circumcised short of compelling medical need.)

I prefer to talk about response to stimuli rather than preference, which to me has a certain whiff of the voluntary to it.

And I think involuntary responses are fine and not a problem to acknowledge. But I’m also glad that I’ve learned over a fairly long sexual life that such responses don’t necessarily constrain me.

For example, my second life partner is an Australian. Like most Australians, he is not circumcised. He’s also rather more muscular than trim, and not at all blond. If I’d seen him in a porn magazine, where visual cues are everything, I might have flipped right past him after acknowledging how beautiful his eyes are.

But real guys aren’t porn, of course, and the total package of a real human being can transcend individual elements of sexual stimuli, despite how powerful they might be on their own.

Despite what might have seemed sexual incompatibilities, we actually ended up remarkably attracted to one another and had incredibly hot sex incredibly frequently.

I’m not saying preferences work out like that all the time or even that they should. I’m just saying I’m glad I learned that transcending what I think of as my innate preferences can sometimes lead to really wonderful results.