So, as a young Air Force officer, one of my first really cool bosses was a captain who was a woman. In private, I called her by her first name, because that’s what officers in the AF generally do, but at work I called her captain or ma’am, of course.
And you know what? Ma’am felt weird to me. It didn’t feel respectful enough. I actually WANTED to call her something like sir, and ma’am didn’t seem to cut the mustard — emotionally.
I got over it. After a while, calling women officers ma’am just became a habit that I didn’t think about.
But I think my initial, youthful emotional response says something about your point. It says something about how we grow up learning not to value women as fully equal.