Really cool story, I’m glad you took the time to put it out in the world so people can learn from your experiences.

I have a couple comments, if you don’t mind.

First, I think it’s really interesting how both of you seemed to find the conversation fairly momentous if not dramatic. I mean, I think you handled it beautifully, but as an older gay man it’s interesting for me to notice how your narrative upholds what many gay teens report about coming out. It’s still very hard, even when they are confident that they will have parental support.

Not too many years ago, a young gay friend of mine struggled so much to come out to his mother, even though she had gay friends and had never been anything less than supportive of LGBTQ people. I had to actually help him practice a coming-out speech to her.

She reacted as well as you did, which is what he expected in the first place, and more power to both of you for that, because that sort of support is so important.

I guess my main point here is that none of us should presume that gay teens are going to have an easy time coming out. It’s often very difficult for them even when we don’t think it would be.

Second, can I ask you about the door closing thing? I mean, your son is 16 and at an age when sexual activity is common and legal in much of the world.

You emphasize that your son doesn’t risk pregnancy, so I’m wondering why the parental controls on sexuality. I know you’re trying to treat him the same way you would treat a straight child and that’s commendable, but things are a little bit different in the gay world.

Young gay men have a lot of sex, not always what straight people might consider sex in the conventional sense, but nonetheless. What I mean by that is that gay men have way less anal sex than people suppose we do. I have some data lying around somewhere to back that up, but it’s a lazy Sunday morning and I haven’t finished my second cup of coffee yet. Lol

So, as a parent of a gay teen, I would probably want my kid safe at home with sex rather than feeling like he had to go look for it somewhere else. Because some of those “somewhere else’s” aren’t really very wholesome places for teenagers.

I parented a straight teen boy, and I was careful about that open door thing, because I didn’t want his girlfriend pregnant. When I knew they were going to start sneaking behind my back anyway, I made sure they had condoms. When he turned 17, I stopped objecting to closed doors.

But if he had been gay, I probably would have stopped objecting well before he turned 17. Just because I’d want him safe at home with a nice boy I knew instead of who knows what.

I know as parents we all want to protect our kids, but I think those of us who parent gay teen boys need to think about protection very carefully when it comes to sexuality.