Quite! Even in gay-male culture in the United States, where data indicate open relationships are very common, we tend to keep quiet about it except amongst ourselves. We often feel judged if we’re open about being open, as it were.

This pressure can sometimes come from other gay people who value more heteronormative lifestyles, but it most often comes from mainstream culture.

It’s like there’s this baked in presumption that sexual exclusivity and romantic monogamy are ideals, and that deviation from them is at least sad if not downright immoral. (We’re not judging you, we just wish you could be as happy as we are, blah blah blah)

It’s hard to struggle against that presumption for many of us, even when we have pretty good reason to believe we’re in a majority or at least a strong plurality.