Oh my god, the nebulizer treatment issue. The visiting nurse is trying really hard to get Dad to understand he needs to do a treatment every four hours during waking hours, but he can’t wrap his mind around it. He’s so used to doing a treatment only if he’s having trouble breathing, and his cognitive abilities are pretty calcified, so it’s a struggle.

I so relate to your issues with reminders and autonomy. I can’t order Dad around, but Dad can’t do the things on his own that he needs to do.

He insists on managing his extensive medications on his own, but the result is inevitably that he runs out and doesn’t try to get a refill until the day he takes his last pill.

Finding ways to gently work around this problem is a real challenge.

I think in some ways, his being a man makes things harder. The way we’re socialized to be independent and not seek help even when we genuinely need it makes things very tough.

I think he desperately doesn’t want to appear weak, even though he gets dizzy when he stands up and can’t walk for more than a few feet without struggling to breathe.

Dominance hierarchy issues really come into play. I think I realize that because of your writing.

Writer. Runner. Marine. Airman. Former LGBTQ and HIV activist. Former ActUpNY and Queer Nation. Polyglot. Middle-aged, uppity faggot. jamesfinnwrites@gmail.com

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