My two major life partnerships were not strictly sexually monogamous, so maybe I’m not the best person to comment on this. But I’ve always wondered why strict sexual commitment has to damage marriages.

When my late partner was very ill, for the last couple years of his life, our marriage was sexless. It wasn’t a decision either of us made, it just happened because of the pressures and stresses of illness.

I went out on weekends sometimes and had sex. And he knew I did. We talked about it. So I didn’t feel guilty or stressed.

Nor did my extracurricular sex change or diminish the deep love he and I felt for one another. I think both of us would have been surprised if anyone suggested that it would.

And isn’t that the meat of the matter? Conflating sex with a loving relationship?