My elderly father passed away last August, so I have some personal perspective on this. I’m a single gay man with no children, and my two siblings are educated professionals with high school and university-age children.

My father required a lot of care in his last couple of years. I provided almost all of it. And, yes, my siblings seemed to expect it of me. They seemed to take for granted that I would provide the care. They weren’t ungrateful, but I consistently got the feeling that they took it as natural that I would provide more of the care because I don’t have the family obligations they have.

In some respects, they were right. My sister has a demanding job and manages a busy household. Caring for our father would have required her to sacrifice some activities she experiences as obligatory. Organizing a son’s graduation party or his college application process are examples that come to mind.

My social activities as a single man don’t get looked at by society as terribly obligatory, even though they are important to me and my well-being.

Even I look at it that way, though some part of me recognizes that it’s unjust. Even though some part of my sister recognizes that it’s unjust.

So I did almost all the caring. I really don’t see those kind of attitudes changing much, to be honest.

If we had it to do all over again, I’m sure we’d do it the same way, even if the situation is less than ideal and far from just.