Me too! I don't actually second guess myself about starting puberty at 10, though. I grew armpit hair and needed deodorant, which my mother sat me down and explained. During the same talk, she told me it would be okay if I started to want a girlfriend. That cracked my face into an enormous smile, because I was thinking about how grown up such a thing would be.

She quickly rained on my parade, making sure I knew I was not permitted to have a girlfriend. Color my 10-year-old self confused! Let's just say that of awkward puberty talks, this one was awkward and a half.

By then, I already thought boys and young men were the most fascinating creatures on earth, though I had no idea that was a significant fact.

The idea of "wanting" a girlfriend, the wanting of which was now technically permissible, was mysterious and alien.

In little more than a year, however, I would fall head over heels in crush with a baseball-playing boy.

I'd actually been having crushes for a while, though I didn't recognize them as that.

I'm relating to so much in your story, from Penthouse Forum and its gay stories, to the pin-up idols you name. All of those influenced me.

Thanks for sharing your experiences!