It's interesting to me how much homophobia often looks and feels like misogyny. I mean, obviously, they aren't precisely the same, but they're both rooted in devaluing and disrespecting the feminine.

I have a good friend, a bisexual man who is often perceived as gay, who became a state trooper when he left the military. He could not stand being a cop. He couldn't stand the misogyny, he couldn't stand the overt homophobia, and he just hated going to work.

So he became a nurse. Went to night school, got his degree, and quit his cop job the moment he got an employment offer from a hospital.

We were joking around one night as we were having dinner with a group of queer friends, just enjoying a night out on the town. Most of us were obviously queer, and in our company I guess he looked pretty masculine. (He's large and very muscular, and he doesn't speak in a stereotypically feminine way like most of the rest of us were speaking.)

The waiter constantly asked him how things were going, did anyone need anything, etc. The rest of us were invisible by comparison. Like we were women out with a strong man who would take care of us.

My friend and I have talked about that night on and off, him sometimes wondering why he can be treated disrespectfully because he's perceived as feminine in some settings, but in other settings can be perceived as "the man," and therefore much more deserving of attention and respect.

I've encountered women who can get a little angry when I talk about homophobia mirroring misogyny, or operating like misogyny. I wish they could meet my ex-cop friend!

Or read your illustrating story!