It’s great to see real data starting to come out about this. The idea that men mostly crave sex while women mostly crave emotional intimacy is so destructive.

In the gay male world, I find that stereotypes about male sexuality are very harmful. When I was in my late teens, gay men went gaga over Robin Gibbs' “Boys Do Fall In Love.” It played at least a couple of times a night for years at every gay club I knew about.

I think the main reason it was so popular is that it pushed back against the prevailing narrative that men (even or especially gay men) mostly want sex and are content to live without much emotional intimacy.

That’s a stereotype about men in general and it’s one that gay men often assume is true. We criticize ourselves and our communities as being too much about sex and not enough about love, while presuming there isn’t much we can do about it because that’s just the way men are.

But I think many of us realize but the stereotype is wrong, which may explain Gibbs' popularity. He struck a chord in us that felt authentic.

Written by

Writer. Runner. Marine. Airman. Former LGBTQ and HIV activist. Former ActUpNY and Queer Nation. Polyglot. Middle-aged, uppity faggot. jamesfinnwrites@gmail.com

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