It actually took me a long time to figure that out! By the time I was 12, I realized the label "gay" applied to me, and a big part of figuring it out was that I never experienced sexual attraction except toward other boys and men.

I could not imagine feeling sexually attracted to a woman, and, indeed, I have never yet (at 62) felt such attraction — despite one magical night under the stars on Mykonos when I had a sexual experience with a cherished friend I was traveling with — who was a woman.

Of course, I understand the phenomenon of bisexuality now, but I like the distinction you make here between bisexuality and same-sex activity as "masturbation." You're accounting for the distinction between behavior and attraction, which is critical to understanding sexual orientation, in my opinion.

That night on Mykonos, I might as well have been masturbating. But I wish you could have had the positive experience my friend and I had.

We laughed together about our failed attempt to establish some sexual intimacy. "Well!" she joked the next morning over coffee, "At least I know not to try that again, Mr Cold Fish. You're not kidding about being gay
I've had better sex with myself!"

And we remained the best of friends.

One day, maybe we'll get to a place in society where men can have the same kind of experience without all sorts of fraught homophobia getting in the way.

Thanks for the lovely story!