Indeed. Bernstein had a rep in NYC queer circles even before his queerness became more generally known. He was a "Friend of Dorothy," an inhabitant of a demimonde where people actually kept secrets from the world at large. (Perhaps because survival demanded it.)

My late husband Lenny used to tell stories about how Bernstein cruised him in the Village. This was not unusual. Plenty of gay men older than me told stories like that. Some were probably exaggerations, but I don't doubt the kernel of truth.

The reality seems to be that Bernstein lived the ethos of open relationships that so many of us lived. And continue to live.

One thing about winning the right to same-sex marriage bothers me. It's the presumption of heteronormative values. It's the presumption that monogamous marriage is the be-all, end-all end game.

It isn't, at least not for me, and it looks like not for you either. Thanks for sharing your experiences!