I'm sorry you suffered such significant losses when you were so young! Your story is very interesting to me, because you grew up in a social environment very similar to the one that I grew up in, and we're pretty close in age.

I had the great privilege to find out how my own father, a pastor and youth-sports coach, would react to my being gay. He had difficulty at first, but by the time I was in my mid-20s, he was by far the most supportive family member in my life. He went out of his way several times to to pay extended visits as a house guest to meet my partners (I've had two at different times) and get to know them.

When my first partner died, Dad got on an airplane almost immediately to come help me with all the difficult details.

Despite all of his cultural pressure, he rose to the occasion of supporting his gay son.

And then I had the privilege, though certainly not the pleasure, of supporting him through his final days.

I think back to my family experiences, positive and negative, and I realize that life often runs quite contrary to what's expected.

When I was a teenager afraid to come out to my family, I never would have predicted that my dad would have supported me and that most of the rest of my family would not.

Reflecting, as you say, is indeed valuable.