I wonder if sexless marriages are more of a thing that people like to talk about? I was in one for quite a while, and it was also do to illness, but the circumstances were different. My partner was ill, had little libido, and as much as it’s uncomfortable for me to talk about, his illness made sex feel bad and creepy for me. I’m sure that wasn’t a rational response on my part, but it had a profound physiological effect.

Over the years I’ve run into plenty of couples who’ve admitted that they no longer have sex.

I’m thinking of a man and woman in their late thirties with two small children, stressful jobs, and a busy life. Each of them admitted to me privately (not knowing that the other one had or would) that they don’t have have sex anymore and haven’t for years.

Illness doesn’t play a role, and while they aren’t the most loving couple in the world, they’re good friends, they split childcare duties pretty evenly, and they share interests and have fun together.

So …

I dunno. Clearly, sex is important. I wouldn’t want to be in a marriage without it, but I think it happens for a lot of reasons.

I wish YOU the best in recovery, including from the waist down.


Writer. Runner. Marine. Airman. Former LGBTQ and HIV activist. Former ActUpNY and Queer Nation. Polyglot. Middle-aged, uppity faggot. jamesfinnwrites@gmail.com

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