I was in the military for a lot of years, and I sometimes felt weird calling women officers ma’am, because even though it was required, like calling men officers sir was required, it didn’t feel the same.

I’ve tried to explore this feeling before and figure out why it felt off to me. It’s not that I didn’t respect women officers. My first direct boss in the Air Force was a woman captain, and she’s one of the best bosses I ever had, and somebody I deeply respect to this day.

But … I was a lieutenant and people had to call me sir. That felt weird when I was 22 and didn’t even shave yet, but I accepted it as a show of necessary respect and military discipline.

When my boss and I were in the office together and somebody called me sir at the same time they called her ma’am, I felt like they were showing me more respect than her, even though they were just doing what military discipline required.

Which maybe goes to show how I had come to experience ma’am as a word that was not exactly brimming with respect and authority. How I had received something like a basic disrespect for women through my socialization.

I don’t know. I spent a good bit of my childhood in the deep South where calling women ma’am was socially obligatory, especially for children and adolescents.

I think it still is in much of the South, though I’m back in Yankee territory now where the custom is much less entrenched.

My military days have left me accustomed to showing respect by calling powerful women ma’am, but something still feels off about it.