I think many gay men ask themselves this question. A non-trivial amount of gay sexual role-playing and fantasy revolves around dominance-hierarchy tropes straight out of the patriarchy’s playbook.

Dom/sub fetishism is just an example of those tropes at a sort of maximum. But the stepfather fantasy you write about is pretty common in the gay world too. It’s sometimes called daddy/boy fantasy, though it’s not usually about incest, and is not normally played out in terms of fantasizing about someone underage, something gay men are pretty sensitive about given homophobic stereotypes.

Like you, I don’t have any issues with fantasy. I don’t have any problems at all with people who enjoy dom/sub role play. If it makes them happy, more power to them.

But I do wonder about what motivates the fantasies. Are patriarchal ideals creeping into the unconscious as erotic impulses?

If so, is that something to worry about? I don’t know, outside my experience and qualifications. Lol