I think back on the close straight-woman friends I've had in my life as a gay man, and I find myself nodding along as you talk about how women dress for themselves, to express themselves.

I've often been in the company of women as they've chosen clothing or gotten ready for an evening out, and I've been privileged to directly talk about that self expression with them. That last sentence probably sounds boring but the reality was more interesting somehow. LOL

Very few of my women friends were worried about how their clothing would attract men. They wanted to know if they looked fabulous. If they look stylish. If their look was interesting. Some of then were off-base presuming I as a gay man knew anything special about that, but they very much valued how they looked in the eyes of other women and even gay men.

I take this for granted, and reading your essay about how many straight men presume women dress primarily for their eye makes me think about the male gaze — not that it exists but that some people presume it must be of primary importance.