I recently made a very similar discovery, and also centering around cottage cheese. I spent the last 3 years caring for my elderly father, and setting aside my own needs happened so slowly and gradually that I didn’t notice it was happening.

I got to the point that I almost always sacrificed my needs to his. I bought the kind of cottage cheese he wanted and never the kind I wanted. To some respect of course there’s nothing wrong with that. Caring for him in his last days was a privilege. I’m profoundly grateful to have had the opportunity.

But after he died, I began to realize exactly how much I had given up of myself. And I began to ask myself if it had been necessary. The answer seems to be that I went too far.

I began to realize that previously in my life I had done the same thing as a parent and a romantic partner. I continually put myself in the place of a carer neglecting my own needs and wants.

It was a rather startling thing to think about.

I have always taken pride in being a good son, a good father, and a good partner.

And maybe the pride was the problem. I was actually taking pride in neglecting myself.