I really love this, but I’m actually commenting to tell you I’m jealous. You describe yourself as French, living in London. Which is cool, of course. Not jealous about that.
I’m jealous of your seeming ease at being witty and clever in English. In writing!
I mean, I speak and read French with ease. I’ve lived in French-speaking cities. I watch French films without subtitles and don’t miss the jokes.
But I cannot cannot cannot write proficiently in French. Oh, I can communicate fine. You’d understand me perfectly well. And you’d joke to your friends about that American with such a “cute” way of writing.
Members of l’Académie would likely arrange efforts to take me behind a barn somewhere and shoot me.
So, you have all my respect! I’d never have guessed you were française by the way you write English.