I know a lot of men, particularly older men, who married women, raised children, and lived typically heteronormative lives, only later to reveal they had been miserable the whole time. Then they identify as gay, come out, and lead more authentic fulfilling lives as they cope with and try to eliminate their self-hatred.

For men my age and older, that might almost be a typical narrative. It’s certainly not an unusual one.

I was lucky. Even though I was born before Stonewall, I never bought into enforced heteronormativity, understanding explicitly, with words for it, since I was 11 years old that I was gay. I’m not saying I didn’t have troubles or pain, but those troubles did not define me nearly so much as my joy in being me. I did not identify as gay, come out, and live as myself because I was in pain, but because I wanted to experience joy.

For young gay people today, my kind of experience is more typical than not, at least I think.

If that analogy helps any, I offer it up in good faith. If not, I understand.