I had somewhat different experiences. Neither of my conservative Christian parents was particularly controlling or abusive. Nonetheless, growing up gay, I received constant messages at church that God says something is wrong with me. I received these messages both explicitly and implicitly.

And like in your situation, there's no arguing. There's no reasoning. Because to argue against that position is to claim that God is wrong, impossible in that sort of environment.

I didn't know the strong theological arguments against such positions when I was a boy, but even if I had known them, I would have been strictly forbidden from expressing them, just as my youth pastor shut me up forcibly in youth group one day when I made a strong theological argument against Baptist prohibitions of drinking alcohol. He forbade me to speak, even though most theologians would have thought I was on solid ground. His position, not that he expressed it, is that he knew the truth because God told him the truth.

That reminds me of a story Esther Spurrill-Jones published recently about a school board member in Alberta telling the board that the Holy Spirit told her to post a meme comparing queer people to Nazis.

Esther, who is a Christian, wrote that the Holy Spirit tells her that that board member is wrong.

Esther's point is not to advance the argument that people should claim God talks to them and tells them what to do. She says instead that Christians should stop saying things like that, because there's no way to objectively evaluate such statements, which can often constitute or reinforce abuse.

I barely made it out of adolescence. I tried to kill myself twice, once very seriously. I fully expected to die and was quite disappointed when I woke up.

All because so many adults in my life believed they knew God was telling them something was wrong with me because I'm gay.

People seriously need to stop that.