I had a partner who liked to be awakened by sex sometimes. But consent was complicated. Just because a partner enjoys being woken up by sex sometimes doesn't mean he wants it right now. You can't ask because, well, he's asleep.

Some things were common sense. If we got to bed really late the night before, or if I could reasonably assume my partner would wake with a hangover ... just don't.

Another common sense thing was keeping it rare to keep it special. My partner was young and had a healthy sexual appetite, but anal sex for the partner being penetrated isn't exactly casual and can have annoying practical consequences. Getting woken up frequently by unplanned anal sex can be quite annoying in the long run – according to my partner.

So we tried to negotiate his desire to be woken up that way sometimes with his desire not to be woken up that way frequently - without actually planning it the night before , which he claimed kind of ruined the experience for him.

Complicated, indeed!