I fear you are right about societal expectations causing a lot of unhappiness. I also fear that changing those expectations is an almost overwhelming challenge.

I’ve experienced some of the emotional strength people can invest into unrealistic expectations of their partners and their relationships.

I have written about ethical non-monogamy in the past, and people have gone ballistic about that, even when it doesn’t touch them personally.

I guess I can understand that, perhaps it makes them feel threatened. But when I write about other issues like being attracted to other people or watching porn without having to hide that from a partner, I often feel much of the same explosive, negative heat come back at me.

It’s like people really are seriously invested in believing their partners will not or should not ever experience attraction to anyone else.

That has to cause a lot of anxiety and trauma. Because it just isn’t possible.

I wish as a culture we could be more emotionally healthy about this.

Written by

Writer. Runner. Marine. Airman. Former LGBTQ and HIV activist. Former ActUpNY and Queer Nation. Polyglot. Middle-aged, uppity faggot. jamesfinnwrites@gmail.com

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