I don’t understand. When I encounter people who are grieving or experiencing distress over something, my first response is to tell them what they’re feeling is normal. Because I don’t want them to think that they’re alone in their suffering.

Just as an example, a young friend of mine recently got dumped by his boyfriend. He felt incredibly taken by surprise, having just passed a couple of very important relationship milestones, and he plunged into depression.

Having not experienced many breakups, I don’t think he realized his loss of appetite, lack of desire to do things, and general malaise were very normal for people in his situation.

So I told him that explicitly. “What you’re feeling is normal. It’s perfectly okay to express the pain you’re feeling right now, and it’s perfectly normal to be experiencing it. Your pain is a sadly normal part of the human experience. Please understand what you’re going through is a form of grief, and like all grief if it will take time to recover. I’m here for you, to listen and support your in any way I can.”

That’s ableist? Really? To tell a person their feelings are part of the normal human experience is ableist?

I really don’t get it.