I don’t know, maybe it’s just me but I’ve had experiences like that in lots of places. I remember this gay strip club that used to be down at the east end of St Catherine Street in Montreal. My boyfriend and I went several times and found the place well lit, the dancers upbeat and cheerful, and the crowd (which often included a lot of Americans who came because Quebec allows full nudity at strip clubs) in a party mood.

We even made friends with a young couple from the Maritimes who were stripping on weekends to help pay the rent. We had them over for dinner several times and they told us they enjoyed dancing. From what I saw they were telling the truth.

But the women dancers at a similar club I attended in the Detroit area in roughly the same time period usually looked pretty grim when they weren’t on stage. The place was full of bouncers to keep them safe, the crowd was not exactly seedy, but they weren’t enjoying the show in the same way as the guys in the Montreal gay club. They weren’t partying, they were leering. If that makes sense.

I can’t imagine any of the dancers formed genuine friendships with anybody in the crowd, though maybe I’m wrong.

Perhaps it comes down to sexism and inequality. Maybe gay guys partying at a gay strip club feel less entitled, more on an equal footing with the dancers. I mean, in general. Obviously, some gay men can be entitled jerks.

But you’re not the first person I’ve heard observing how different gay strip clubs often are from straight strip clubs. There’s probably something going on to explain the differences.