I don't know if you're familiar with Johannes T Evans on Medium, but he's a young gay trans man in the UK who does stand-up and is a very talented fiction writer. He describes himself as effete, embraces a certain foppish femininity, and writes thoughtful essays about the strictures of enforced gender presentation, societal pressure, and nerd culture.

I'm just mentioning him, because I think you'd enjoy his work.

I don't know much but his upbringing, but given where he grew up, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that feminine standards in his family were somewhat close to yours.

Women and girls in rural Ohio and Michigan, where my family live, are raised to be tough and resilient. I rarely see girls around here wearing dresses. At the local restaurant in the village where I live, I can't remember ever seeing a woman in a dress. I often see girls on their way out to hunt, fish, go snowmobiling, or even go mudding. (Racing four wheelers through mud holes. Sounds weird, but being able to effectively manage a four-wheeler is a practical life skill for farmers and others who live a rural lifestyle.)

Even though conservative Christianity dominates around here, femininity standards are more complicated than what people would probably think.

Very interesting topic!