I didn't say being gay is only about sex. I'm saying that it is definitionally about sex, necessarily. Sexual orientation is about sexual attraction. If you're not sexually attracted to people of the same gender, you aren't gay. That's the definition.

It's not about my personal experience, it's about the definition of gay.

I mean, you can try to redefine sexual orientation if you wish, but it would probably be healthier to just stop empowering the homophobes who think there's something wrong with sex.

Because there isn't.