I can powerfully relate to much of this! Not only did my own peace and serenity about life and aging get destroyed when I was still a child, I'm exactly the right or wrong age with respect to HIV.

I became sexually active before and as the epidemic was coming into existence, at a time when nobody understood safer sex. The virus circulated unchecked among gay men who had no idea it was happening, since it normally takes up to about 10 years after infection for the first symptoms to present.

So, we started dropping like flies.

For many years, I presumed that I would not make it to old age. It's not like I was having lots of unsafe sex anymore. I was careful to the point of being over careful.

But when it seems like everybody else around you is dying, it's hard to shake the idea that you will die young too.

And now, suddenly, I'm old enough that AARP keeps bugging me to join. My hair is grey. Physical health is no longer something I can take for granted.

For much of my life, the idea of being 62 years old was not a realistic idea. Yet here I am, just months from turning 63.

Thank you for sharing your story about aging. It's something all of us queer people should think about, not just for ourselves but for those who are not aging gracefully.